much adored, much discussed, & pestered endlessly, even after death; the way i would sum her up doesn’t even involve my own words or creativity.
a stranger online, by some circumstantial miracle, facilitated in me one of those once-in-a-lifetime moments of utter illumination & clarity. this stranger had left a comment on a series of photos of Marilyn throughout her life. as clear as a bell, simple & awestruck as describing the weather, the comment read, in full:
“impossible to think that she once walked here.”
reading this was like remembering a dream from the womb. like putting on prescription glasses for the first time. the concision of their idolatry floored me. the summary of her mythology laid out bare, in ten words or less.
the comment is doubly-impressive because it is true. looking at her pictures, or watching her in motion, or reading about her tumultuous & sensational life, it is impossible. the definition of impossible. it just… cannot be done.
thinking of that hurt girl, here, occupying the same earth; Marilyn, threading through a field of flowers or through screaming paparazzi, i can’t do it. it is an earthly mystery to believe she was ever here at all, & not some mass delusion by the public, or a concoction lovingly prepared by ancient lyrical spirits in an exceptionally generous mood. yet, still: she was here.
we miss you, Marilyn, every day, & we did not deserve you then, & we sure as hell don’t deserve you now. Marilyn, is it true that when you left us, you took all the world’s softness & all the world’s tenderness with you ? there seems to be no other explanation. it is impossible to think that you could have breathed this same air, watched the same sun rise & fall, speak this same guttural language. impossible to think that you once walked here, among us all, moving as gently as light itself & turning the whole world unspeakably lovely. your exceptional sensitivity & intellect seems impossible for one mere mortal to bear.
is that why you left us, Marilyn, so soon after sharing with us your gifts ? were you expected by the other halo-ed things in some faraway oasis to return back to them by midnight ? you were always so impossible. i hope things are better now.