special, is what he said, before following it up with
one of the most divine things a soul could sing: you
really are very funny; & i know he’s probably humouring me…
but still, what a tremendous thrill, from a boy (a
special one) who now consistently & so effortlessly
overwhelms & sweetly gratifies me—
if there’s one way that exists to spoil a silly girl, it’s exactly how
he does it. i couldn’t name it, though sometimes i do
put my finger(s) on it. i wonder if he’d laugh
at that, if i could continue being
that usually-only-in-my-dreams ‘funny’ girl,
who thinks about a lovely boy
more often & more severely
than politeness would esteem.