you’re here. hello, and thank you. it’s the nineteenth of july in the year 2022. you are currently (as of writing) on a gap year. you have been enjoying the immense rest.
i have many questions. mostly, i want to know what you are doing. are you happy? are you grateful. how is everyone? mum; dad; the rugrats. how’s your health? i’m sure you’ve been thinking about that a lot, too. it’s always so up and down.
when i think about the future, i’m not sure exactly what excites me most. i’m thrilled and nervous about all of it. i have my moments of intense restlessness because i often want everything, all at once, right now. are you still impatient like that? or do you have it all?
i hope you’ve been treating the people in your life like the precious treasure they are. i also hope you’re maybe a little more productive or motivated than i have been for the past few months. as much as i love my lazy days, i think it would be nice to actually start getting shit done. or have shit to get done in the first place.
my goals for the future involve financial security and continued health, happiness and beauty for myself and all my loved ones. sometimes, i let my impulses get in the way of those goals, either through not being patient enough to maintain ‘good’ habits, or pure and simple procrastination. that i’m quite good at. but we both already know that.
i’m getting better at it, i think. i hope. believe. i have my friends to thank for that. they honestly make me better every day. they inspire me to be someone to be proud of. i want to show them how much they mean to me. i hope you show them whenever you can.
do you remember being twelve? to be honest, i don’t really either. just starting high school, i think. or something like that. back then, the concept of being twenty-two—or, god forbid, thirty-two—was unimaginable. if i could go back in time ten years, i’d probably tell myself to be grateful, always, and to be curious and brave and earnest. i think (hope) i was those things on occasion. but i’d want to stress the point.
as for ten years into the future, i’d want the same things, mostly. i’d want you to be secure, authentic, friendly, generous, curiouser and curiouser. i’d hope you’d continue to treat life like the most interesting project to experiment with. i’d want to tell you to be kind and thoughtful and fascinated and lovely. to remain tender and sensitive to this very tender world.
what would you tell me? what would you warn me about? no tragedy, please, i think i could only bear to experience that sort of stuff once, while it’s happening. i wonder what fashion will be trendy in ten years? which celebrities will get together or break up? where will you be living? what good will you have done by then, and what bad? what do you think i should know?
right now i’m living at home. the pandemic still rages on, but there haven’t been any more lockdowns since last year. i’ve only had COVID once. i hope to keep it that way. my hair is dark, dark brown and pretty long right now. i’d like to think i’m also getting taller, despite being (mostly?) done with puberty.
there are many things i want to be and do. like modelling, writing, making music, painting, travelling, dancing, shopping, volunteering, etc. it would be nice to enjoy a flexible lifestyle so i could do everything. see, there’s that impatientness again. i hope at least some of those things are still in your life.
i won’t ask about future technologies and/or the climate. it’s too open and also a bit depressing. i want to know about you! i have to keep my scope reasonable, otherwise i’ll go mad. i do wonder what you’ll look like, what you might learn and discover. right now, beauty is quite important to me. i suppose being young makes beauty a lot easier to maintain. do you still think about it often? i do hope, somewhat vainly, that you’re beautiful. are you still vain?
i hope some of your writing has been published. maybe some of your music, too. i hope you are gentle and that you can be a positive force in some people’s lives. i hope you are as inquisitive as ever, and that you still have room in your heart for a little faith and magic. i know i can slip into cynicism sometimes but i don’t enjoy how that makes me feel and see the world. i think we only have one short life to do as we please and minimise suffering. i hope you remember your axioms and stick by them!
how are your friends? do you have any new ones? what have you all done together, and have you been good to them? are you feeling extroverted or introverted today, and are you staying true to yourself? whatever that means. i’m sure you know what that means to you. i just hope you’re well. i really, really do.
there isn’t much more i can think to write, which is a shame because i had this lofty notion of writing a novel-length letter to you, lol. but this is it, for you. interesting to think that we get closer and closer each day. and when you read this, we’ll be exactly met, and i will get to say hi to you (hello) and see into the future (shit’s weird) and you will be able to peek into the past through this little wormhole in time that we have.
be good, Emmy, or please just try. i hope that by the time this letter finds you, you are the kind of person that the both of us can be proud of.
yours,
present (past) Emily <3