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mostly the point

“hey! it’s the sweetheart,” Odin said, cutting our conversation short, his voice all sunshine and gladness. and when i looked up, i saw that he was right.

            taking in her silhouette as it approached made me remember what it felt like to be awestruck, and the feeling only intensified until she was at our table and looking down at me with her sparkling eyes as if i were some poor creature she could pity or hopefully one day adore.

            “Hina,” i said, not really knowing why a sudden warmth had started to scorch its way down my prickling neck. “Hina,” i said again, since the one utterance didn’t seem to suffice.

            “hello darling,” she purred, and i wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or Odin.

            i stood up to greet her, an old-fashioned impulse driving my legs up, and she pressed an imitation kiss to my cheek, holding my bare forearms in her small, manicured hands to keep me still as she did so. i didn’t say anything, just acquiesced, and as i sat back down i watched her do the exact same thing to Odin, beat for beat, as if she were greeting two of many fans queued up to witness her.

            she took the seat next to me and opposite him, and then i was semi-trapped between the thick pillowy wall of the booth and her soft forgiving body and i was not the least bit upset by it.

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3:00 AM

i groaned. “oh, why. why.” i groaned again, as if it could help the fact that my entire body felt like one giant, ready-to-burst artery. “i’m never drinking that much again. oh, Odin, mercy. hold me to that.”

            “you have my word,” he said, every bit as solemn as a priest as he traced an x over his heart.

            “thank you.”

            he was leaning against the kitchen island, sans shredded costume and in comfier-looking attire: grey sweatpants and a dark, thin, oversized jumper. he seemed refreshed—less pitiable than he’d looked during rehearsal, for sure—but i could still see traces of clingy, raspberry-red blood caked under his short, usually-neat nails, and smudged around the backs of his ears. some of it was still clinging to the nape of his neck, matting his hair. i wondered if that was something he’d just gotten used to by now.

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sometimes beautiful

it is easy to recall the moment our friendship fractured. it is still readily available to relive in my mind, just as technicolour and bursting and tragic as any other momentous wound.

           thinking back, i am just surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. we were awful for each other from the very beginning, i now understand. but stitched through the awfulness, we really were sometimes beautiful.

           like the time we sat under his family’s blossoming peach trees in the backyard and philosophised with the melting sun. his voice, i remember, was so soft and candy-sweet that the quiet animals of the outdoors tentatively approached to listen, too.

           he’d always had that welcoming miraculousness, that inviting aura, which seemingly took effect on every earthly creature. myself included, which is why at the time, i didn’t think to bring up my mild peach allergy. i didn’t want to ruin the idyllic scene—wanted even less to interrupt his careful, dulcet musings—and when he handed me a freshly-plucked peach to eat, i pretended the buzzing against my lips was a kind of secret, tormented kiss.

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