i go around in circles all the time. my teacher said to stop writing in hypotheticals & immediately i knew she was right & that she had found the little spiral centre of me that i had been hiding not-too-solemnly. it is hard for me to detach myself from the hypothetical, most of my days i live in there. before i knew any of this (of writing or understanding or knowing there was a world at all around me) i knew that committing myself to one idea was an utter travesty. of course there are ideas now that i hold close to me. but usually i hang barely-suspended & wishing i was okay with being a pendulum.
Read more28/09/21 class is soon
class is soon and i’ve exhausted all other forms of procrastination. i’ve done all the readings, given appropriate feedback, put on an inappropriate outfit, forgot to have breakfast (i actually had two sleeves of oreos and a handful of multivitamins, as if the two could counteract one another), & i danced to the same playlist that’s been on repeat for the past few weeks. i got a call from my boss asking me to work nine hours per day on the last three days of this year. i said yes eagerly; i don’t know why.
Read more24/06/2019 pretending to meditate
pretending to meditate is still meditation. pretending pretending to stream of thought consciousness is a way to write write write write write write wrong write write write write writer as faithfully as possible the human mind condition the actuality of writing under a creak in the door pausing still and silent pretending to meditate is still meditating meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation is still meditation meditation meditation meditation on the word is meditate on the word is meditation is meditation on the word is meditation on the why the word the word is on the word is on the word is on the word is on the reminded of the word of the meditation
of the word meditation faking meditation is still pretending to actually meditate the meditation in the faking is still trying to be meditation the mediate the meditation the why the word is meditation to meditation meditation meditation meditation making meditation making meditation the why the meditation the how the meditation the meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation sore the meditation slower meditation harder to see meditation meditation meditation meditate on meditation fill one hundred meditations on meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation is still meditation is still meditation
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